Over and Over
by Azuria Tayutama
Summary: She was deeply in love with her. But they were both girls. She knew she will never feel the same way about her, but she couldn't abandon, right? She was tired of this one-sided love. She wanted it to change even if she was afraid of her own feelings. She was a coward. Luka x Miku. Negitoro. YURI. RATED M.


**A/N:** Hello!

This is not really the oneshot I was planning to write…

Anyways! This is Luka's POV!

English isn't my native language, so you might find some mistakes…

That is all I have to say!

So just enjoy!

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**~o~ Over and Over ~o~**

She was crying in my arms. Her shoulders were shaking uncontrollably. She was heartbroken. Her boyfriend just broke up with her. It pained me to see her like that. She was my best friend, after all... _Just a friend_... I wished she was more than that, but it couldn't be possible. We were both girls. I had strong feelings for her. I couldn't stop thinking about her; she haunted my dreams every night, she was everywhere in my mind, she... she was everything to me. I wanted to see her cute smile more than anything; I wanted to see her happy face... I just wanted her happiness. But was it enough? I knew it wasn't. I also wanted to hold her like lovers did, to kiss her, to touch her... But it couldn't be possible. I knew it couldn't...

She was completely straight. How many boyfriends did she have? Three? Five? Even ten? How many of them broke her heart? I believed they all did. It wasn't the first time it was happening. It wasn't the first time she was crying in my arms. She was searching for comfort and she knew I could give it to her... The comfort she needed...

"It's going to be alright, Miku..." I spoke gently while running my fingers in her teal hair.

She shifted and looked into my eyes. Our faces were close. She was clinching to me desperately as if her life was depending on it. I didn't want to see those tears in her vibrant teal eyes. "H-He cheated on me! A-Am I not good enough?" She said in a broken voice.

My throat tightened. I wanted to tell her she had nothing to worry about, that she was the kindest and prettiest girl I had ever seen, but I couldn't say it. I shook my head. "He just didn't deserve you..." I whispered softly and caressed her cheek with my fingertips, wiping away her tears. "He had no right to cheat on you like that..."

I finally saw a small smile on her face. "I...I guess you're right..." She replied, seeming a bit relieved. I nodded and finally pushed her away, but she immediately took my arm to pull me into a hug again. "Can we stay like this a little longer?" She buried her face into my shoulder.

"Of course," I answered, my breath caught in my throat. If only she knew how she was making me feel by just having her in my arms... My heart was pounding, my throat was burning... I was deeply in love with her... Since a very long time...

We were childhood friends. I was older than her –I was twenty and she was sixteen. We met because our parents were good friends. We became close very fast. I discovered my feelings when I was in high school. I tried having a relationship with a guy, but it didn't work. I didn't like his kisses; I didn't like how his strong arms were wrapped around me... I felt empty and uncomfortable... I was almost _disgusted_... I didn't understand. He was a nice and handsome boy, but I didn't feel anything for him. My eyes were always staying on girls. Especially on Miku. I kept looking at her. I saw her growing; I saw the noticeable changes on her body... I saw how her hips were developing so... _deliciously_, I saw how her chest was growing and taking a nice form, I saw how her legs were becoming more _womanly_; I saw everything that I shouldn't have noticed so much... I was disgusted with myself...

If Miku knew she would probably be horrified...

"Hey, Luka..." The tealette bit her lower lip and looked away almost sheepishly. "I know I shouldn't be asking for such a thing, but can we... tonight...?"

My eyes widened. I knew perfectly what she was asking for. I felt a bit nervous. "What is it...?" I feigned ignorance, my heart beating faster.

Miku sighed and scratched her cheek. "You know what I mean... Please, don't make me say it..." She whined. She really seemed uncomfortable.

Yes. I knew what she wanted, what she was asking for... She wanted to have... _sex_. It was almost pitiable. She was using me –like every time she was heartbroken. She would come to me and we would have an exhausting night. I pursed my lips. I felt horrible for not being able to refuse her. It was the only times she would give herself to me... Even if it was just for comfort... I crossed my arms and pretended I was hesitating about it. "...It's not really something you should ask for, Miku..." I murmured, trying to scold her even if I just wanted to say 'yes' to her request.

She lowered her head in shame and tears restarted to appear in her eyes. I immediately regretted my words. "I-I know I shouldn't, b-but..." She was stammering and trembling.

I raised her chin and smiled softly, showing to her I wasn't angry. "Is that really what you want?" I asked, making sure she was really okay with it. If I started doing _it_ with her, I knew I wouldn't be able to stop. And I knew I would feel guilty after _it_... Like eveytime…

Miku nodded uncertainly. "I-I won't force you, though... I-I know it's selfish of me..." She laughed a bit nervously. "I would understand if you don't want to..."

Oh. If only you knew how much I wanted it. But I didn't want to have sex with you. I wanted to make _love_. It was different. I took her face between my hands and kissed her. She seemed a bit surprised and hesitant at first, but she moved closer to me and pressed her lips back into mines. It was wrong and so good at the same time. My heart was going crazy into my chest. My body was already heating up at the thought of what was coming next. Her lips were so soft, they tasted like cherry... I wanted more of _it_. I wanted more of _her_.

We kissed hungrily and repeatedly, hardly separating our lips away from each other. She moaned. A shiver went down my spine at hearing such a delicious sound. My hands went along her back, under her shirt... Caressing her soft skin... But I suddenly stopped. If Miku was giving herself to me so easily, to someone she didn't even love... Did this mean… she had done this with her previous boyfriends too...? I felt like I just received a cold shower... I didn't want to think about that... I didn't want to think that the tealette probably had been touched by other guys and that she enjoyed it...

"Luka..." Miku breathed out, slightly panting from all the kisses we exchanged. "Why did you stop...?" She asked a bit worriedly.

I shook my head and resumed my touches. "It's nothing..." A lump formed in my throat. How far did you go with your exes, Miku? Was I really just a toy to you? Was I just a way to comfort yourself? I couldn't ask her such things. Certainly not. But I wanted to know. It hurt. It hurt so much, Miku...

My lips immediately went to her neck, sucking the porcelain skin. She gasped and grabbed my hair with a hand. I made a hickey without thinking, but I didn't tell her. I stared guiltily at it for a moment. "Continue... Don't stop now..." She whispered shakily.

I sighed inaudibly. It wasn't right. I still kissed her neck softly while my hands went to unbutton her shirt slowly. Her skin was becoming hot, her breath was starting to be ragged, uncontrolled. I was glad I was receiving such strong reactions from her. After all, she was doing _it_ with me... A _woman_. Shouldn't she feel disgusted? I didn't really understand... I wouldn't personally feel at ease doing it with a man... So why did you seem to enjoy it, Miku...? I didn't understand her at all...

I removed her shirt and kissed her now naked shoulder. I looked into her eyes and gasped at the sight. _Lust_. There was clearly lust in them. My heart started to pound into my chest. I couldn't believe it. "Please..." She pleaded me.

She pleaded for more...

I smiled a bit sheepishly and went to unclasp her bra. She was usually embarrassed the moment I removed it, but she didn't seem to be. Not even a bit. Maybe she was in such a hungry state that she didn't even care anymore. I looked at her. She was so beautiful. Her breasts weren't big, but they had such a nice shape... Her nipples were a soft pink. "...You're pretty..." I murmured without thinking.

She frowned uncertainly and I realized my mistake. A straight person wouldn't look at the same gender's body and say that... I bit my lower lip. She giggled. "You're weird, Luka..." She spoke, but suddenly unbuttoned my shirt.

I blinked and blushed heavily. "W-Wait!" I grabbed her hands, avoiding her to do it. She never dared to undress me before. We would make it when I was fully dressed. I was slightly uncomfortable at the thought of her seeing me.

"Come on! You saw me many times, but I never did!" She exclaimed with a cute pout.

I sighed. How could I refuse her now? I nodded indecisively. "Fine, but I can undress myself..." With shaking hands, I removed my shirt before her curious eyes. She... she really wanted to see me? Once again, I couldn't believe it...

She looked at my laced bra. "Whoa! Such a sexy bra!" It was black and a bit transparent. We could see almost everything. I felt really uncomfortable. I was about to remove it, but she pulled me into a hug and removed it herself. "Here! Now we're the same!" She laughed and stuck her tongue out.

I hid my breasts with an arm, feeling a bit humiliated and embarrassed. "You... you don't want to see them, believe me..." I murmured. They were so big, so _offensive_... I didn't want her to be disgusted.

Miku rolled her eyes. "What are you talking about? We're both girls..."

I felt ridiculous now. The tealette was right. We were both girls. It would do nothing to her if she saw them. I slowly removed my arm and her eyes widened. She looked at them with a surprised face. "I... I didn't know they were so... _big_..." She blurted out.

I blushed heavily and pushed her on the bed, going on top of her. "...It's not important!" I shouted embarrassedly, but she kept looking at them. I then kissed her, hoping she would stop. And she did. She closed her eyes slowly.

We kissed many times, our tongues fighting for dominance. I pressed my body against hers. It was the first time I was touching her skin that way. It felt nice. Her warmth was making me feel at ease. Everything right now felt like it was a dream. I loved her. I loved Miku more than anything, but how did she really feel about me? It was confusing and I wished I could understand. "...Did you go that far with your exes?" I finally decided to ask.

She seemed shocked. "...Why are you asking?"

I shrugged, pretending I didn't care. But I wanted to know. I wanted to satisfy this curiosity that was burning my sides like acid. "Just wanting to know..."

She looked away. She opened her mouth, hesitating, but she finally shook her head. "...I… didn't." She admitted almost shyly.

I felt like I stopped breathing for a moment. She... she didn't! I had been her first... She only did it with me... I felt so relieved. I knew she probably didn't like me the same way I did, but I got to be her first time, at least...

Miku blinked. "Why are you smiling like that?" She asked with a frown.

"Nothing." I replied back almost instantly and suddenly took a nipple into my mouth. She gasped heavily and arced her back. My eyes widened. I could feel her heart. It was beating incredibly fast. _Miku... How do you really feel about me...? Are you even realizing it yourself...?_ I could see the lust in her eyes again. She wasn't supposed to feel this way...

My tongue was doing circles with her nipple. She was fidgeting and squirming. It was cute. She seemed to feel good and it was relieving me. "...W-What about you, Luka...? Y-You never had a boyfriend... Why? Y-You're so popular with guys..." She whispered hesitantly.

I sighed and bit the pink lump gently. "...I'm waiting for the one..." I lied. I hated lying to her, but I couldn't tell her the truth. I couldn't tell her that I loved her, that I only wanted her... I feared her reactions...

She smiled softly. "...Are you romantic?"

I blushed slightly. "I wouldn't say that..." She was about to say something else, but stopped when my hands started caressing her flat stomach. She took a deep breath. Her skin was burning. She seemed agitated.

"Oh, please, Luka... Don't make me wait any longer..." She bit her lip, impatient. I liked to know she wanted it. I pulled her skirt down which was embarrassing her a bit. I smiled reassuringly. I kissed her nostril and she seemed to restrain her breathe for a moment. I finally removed her panties. Her eyes widened and she grabbed my hand before I could touch her. "W-Wait..." I looked up. A blush was covering her face.

I frowned, surprised. "...What?"

"Um... It's just..." She looked away and tightened her legs together. "...I-I'm really, really..." It looked like she didn't want to say it.

But I knew what was going on. I chuckled. She looked adorable. "You're what, Miku...?" I spoke teasingly as my other hand went to caress her leg.

She fidgeted and exhaled. "..._wet_..." She told me almost inaudibly. She was speaking as if it wasn't normal to feel this way. It really was cute.

"It's okay. It's normal..." I laughed and she pouted childishly. I kissed her cheek. "It means you're feeling good..." I whispered, using a seductive voice unconsciously. "...And I like to know you _want_ it..."

Miku suddenly pushed me and she looked a bit surprised. "Don't say such a weird thing..." She frowned, not amused.

My eyes widened slightly, finally realizing what I just said. I was going too far. Miku wasn't doing this because she loved me. It was more like a _need_. It was _sex_. Nothing more. I looked down, not knowing what to say. "I was just kidding..." I murmured.

There was a moment of silence where my friend was looking at me curiously. She finally shook her head. "Continue...?" She bit her lower lip. I nodded hesitantly and kissed down her stomach. She gasped. "L-Luka, y-you're not going to...?" She seemed nervous.

I smiled. I was going to do exactly what she thought I would. I started licking her. She covered her mouth and closed her eyes. "W-Wait... T-This place... I-It's dirty..." She squirmed.

I chuckled. I never gave her oral before. It was the first time I was using my mouth to pleasure her. "It's not dirty..." I whispered softly. _I don't mind because it's yours, Miku..._ I wanted to be the first one to do it to her. And I was glad because of the fervent reactions I was getting from her: she was twitching constantly, she was grabbing my hair desperately and I could hear some groans and moans. She was also getting wetter and wetter.

"O-Oh God..." Miku whined, "I-It feels... weird..." She grabbed the bed sheet and avoided looking at me. She was embarrassed. Her face was all red.

"...Are you enjoying it?" I asked curiously. I didn't need to ask; she was moving her hips frenetically, but I wanted to hear it.

"..." She glared at me as if saying 'don't ask such an embarrassing thing and continue!' That was probably what she would have said. I pressed my tongue harder against her and she breathed heavily. "N-No... I-I'm already going to..." She panted and moaned loudly. A shiver ran down my spine. "L-Luka... I-I..." Her whole body trembled and she let out a last scream until she relaxed. She just came. It didn't take a long time. It surprised me a bit. "Hold... me..." She murmured tiredly.

I nodded and smiled. I wrapped my arms around her, her frail body pressed against mine. It was all hot. I could feel her heavy breathing against my neck. It made me shiver. I realized I was... turned on, but I couldn't ask her to do it to me. Her heart was beating extremely fast. I didn't know if it was because of excitement or because of... something else. "Miku..." I whispered softly. _How d__o you really feel about me? Tell me, please..._

We looked into each other's eyes and she smiled. My heart skipped a beat. She had such a beautiful smile. I wanted to protect it. I wanted to protect her. "Thank you, Luka... I'm glad you're my friend... You really do everything for me... I'm sorry that I'm asking such selfish and perverted things..." She really seemed ashamed.

I shook my head. I was actually enjoying it, but I couldn't say that. "It's alright, Miku..." I caressed her cheek and she rubbed her face against my hand, purring slightly. It was adorable.

"...Why are you doing this for me?" She asked, reposing her head on my shoulder.

I took a deep breath. I could confess to her right now, but I won't do it. I was a coward. I was afraid of my own feelings. I was afraid to break our friendship. "I care about you... You're my best friend, Miku... I don't like to see you sad... I would do everything just to see a smile on your face..."

Miku giggled. "You're so kind! If you were a boy, you would be my boyfriend already!" She exclaimed a bit childishly. She yawned and closed her eyes.

_It hurts. It hurts so much. Don't say such a hurtful thing, please... It really sounds like I'll always stay a friend to you..._ I wanted to cry. My heart was suffering. It was suffering from an eternal heartbreak. "Yeah..." I kissed her forehead and a tear rolled down my cheek. _Don't cry now... Don't cry in front of her..._

I then heard light snores. She was already asleep. I smiled softly. "Good night..." I whispered and pressed my lips against her cheek. "I love you, Miku..."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

It had been several weeks since that night. Nothing changed between us. It was as if nothing happened. As if everything was nothing to her. I was getting tired. Tired of hiding my feelings. I wanted to tell her. I had to or nothing will change between us. I had some hope. Miku really could have feelings for me. That was what I thought that night...

I was waiting for her in a calm café. She was a bit late. It wasn't normal. Miku _never_ was late. I was starting to get worried. What was taking her so long? What if something happened to her? I took a deep breath. I had to calm down. I was always worrying for nothing, especially when it was about her...

Someone suddenly went to my table. It was a tall guy with long purple hair. He looked at me with a grin. "Hey, beauty. You're alone? Want some company?" He asked in a flirty voice.

I shook my head. "No, thanks. I'm waiting for someone." I spoke a bit coldly, unaffected by his flirting. He seemed to be the popular type around girls.

He frowned. "Your boyfriend?"

Oh. I wished _she_ was. "No, a friend..."

He seemed relieved. "Let me accompany you until that person arrives..." He was really insisting and it was starting to piss me off. Was it obvious I wanted him to go away?

"No, I'm fine." I replied back firmly.

"Aw, come on. Just some minutes!"

"She said no!" A high-pitched voice suddenly exclaimed. I turned my head to see Miku who was staring at him, hands on her hips.

He looked at her. "Fine..." He sighed and his eyes stayed on me for a moment. "Too bad. We could have had a lot of fun..." He spoke suggestively.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not interested."

"You're missing something. Girls always say I'm a God in bed... You sure you don't want to?" He smirked, caressing my cheek.

I grimaced at his touches. I didn't like it. Not even a bit. I still grinned, slightly amused. "Oh, really?"

"Yes, really. I can show you." He winked and went closer to me.

Miku was frowning, arms crossed. She didn't seem amused at all. My heart started to beat faster into my chest. Could she be... jealous? I looked at the young man and decided to play his game. "...Maybe I should, then..." I murmured and the tealette's expression was priceless: her eyes were wide open. She seemed totally shocked.

He laughed and took my chin. "How about you come at my house now?"

I was about to reply something, but Miku immediately interrupted us. "No, she won't!" She almost shouted. She was angry. "Go away now!" She hissed and nearly pushed him.

He raised his hands defensively. "Alright, alright..." He suddenly took a paper and wrote something. He gave it to me. There was his address and his name on it. Gakupo. "Just come at my house when you'll feel like having a great time."

And he left.

Miku took a seat and looked at me angrily. "What the hell, Luka! You can't just accept something like that! Sleeping with strangers? That's insane!"

Could she really be jealous? Could she...? I looked down slightly and smiled reassuringly. "I wasn't going to accept..."

She looked at me with a frown. "Really?" She didn't seem to believe me.

I nodded. "I will never do that." I told her seriously. She was relieved. I could see it on her face. _In fact, I will never sleep with a guy..._

She smiled. "Good. I would have never forgiven you, you know?" She tilted her head.

I blinked, slightly surprised. "...Why?"

She shook her head. "I don't like it when people sleep with whoever they want... I think it's disgusting..."

I couldn't believe it! Wasn't what she was doing with me? I didn't dare to say something about it. I only nodded and looked into her vibrant teal eyes. "Anyways, why were you late?" I asked, deciding to change the subject.

I was surprised when I saw a big smile parting her lips. Her eyes started to shine with happiness. "I got a new boyfriend! He just didn't want to let go of me!" She giggled.

_No way..._

_Please, no..._

She was happy. But I wasn't. Far from it. My heart hurt. Terribly. I was heartbroken. Once again. I couldn't take it anymore. This strong pain... This one-sided love... I was... so tired of it... I wanted to cry, I wanted to shout. I loved you, Miku! I deeply loved you! I could make you happy too even if I was a woman! I cared about you! More than those guys did!

I still faked a smile. "I see... I'm happy for you, Miku..." Like always, I was doing like everything was alright... But it wasn't... I wanted you, Miku... More than anything...

She grinned a bit sheepishly. "I'll present him to you! He's really sweet, you'll see! He's the one, I'm sure of it! Hehe! He's really romantic!" She exclaimed dreamily, lost in her thoughts and fantasies.

Enough. I had to do something. I suddenly took her hand. She looked at me with a frown. "I like girls." I finally admitted.

"Eh...?"

She didn't seem to get it. She looked at me blankly. _Oh please, don't make me repeat it._ I took a deep breath and squeezed the soft hand.

"I'm a lesbian, Miku..."

There was a long moment of silence. She was totally, completely shocked. She started to tremble. "O-Oh..." She slipped her hand away from mine almost disdainfully.

_Don't make that face..._

She was frightened. Disgusted. "We can stay friends, right...?" I looked at her desperately. She looked away and bit her lower lip. "I'm still the same person..." I tried to convince her even if I knew it was over. "You can't just end our friendship like that, right...?"

She stood up abruptly and stepped back a bit. "N-No, Luka... That's..." She exhaled and played with one of her twintails nervously. "I-I just can't believe it... Y-You? Of all people? T-Those nights we spent together... Y-You were serious, right...?"

I was panicking. I couldn't breathe properly. She wasn't... accepting me. I thought she would be okay with it since she was alright with having sex with me, so why did it bother her now? I didn't understand her at all. "Miku, please..." I tried to approach her, but she shook her head.

"D-Don't... come closer..." She turned her back to me and left. She was almost running.

"M-Miku...!" I tended my hand, trying to catch her.

It was over.

Tears started to run down my cheeks. I shouldn't have said anything.

I _completely_ lost her...

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**A/N:** You know… I feel about leaving you guys with such a bad ending… Once again, I might do a sequel where all finish nice for Luka… :c

Review, please?


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